Monday, February 20, 2012

Newest Movie Paralegal to Save the Firm in NSFW?

I like to say, as a paralegal, that you never know what you're gonna have to do when you report to work, but the premise of action-adventure director Joe Johnston's newest low budget thriller, Not Safe for Work (NSFW), is that a paralegal has to deal with a murdering destroyer of documents at work.

I've never dealt with a murderer at work, although once I dealt with a survivalist type that threatened to set up house-keeping in our lobby.

Cinema Blend.com reports the harrowing plot:

The script, penned by horror-thriller creators Adam Mason and Simon Boyes, centers on a young paralegal who comes face to face with a dangerous killer, who is on a covert mission to destroy some top-secret documents as well as anyone who gets in his way...

Obligatory cute action paralegal
Max Minghella is in talks to play the hot paralegal.

This sounds way more exciting than my usual day at work, but the story made me think about what I'd use in my actual office to ward off a killer trying to steal our files. Lessee, my stapler (minus staples because we're paperless), the squirrel teeth (Southern for staple remover), scissors which I better locate in case I catch myself face to face with a killer, the can crusher in the kitchen in case I can trap the killer's elbow in it, the copier lid might be painful if slammed hard enough, hot coffee if anybody remembered to make any, oooooh the paper cutter hidden in the office supply room, a high heel aimed for the eye...well, you get it. I obviously have a lot of repressed action hero.

Oh, and I could take a hammer to the server to take out the network and kill access to all scanned documents. Yeah, make my day, psychopathic killer.

What would you do if you were the paralegal in this scenario?

1 comment:

  1. Destroy away--that's why I keep off-site backups of scanned documents. As for critical originals, while my work doesn't lend itself to anything that exciting, if copies are not good enough and they can't be replaced, there's a safety deposit box at the bank. (I'm such a spoil sport!)

    If the bogey man wants to be annoying, we have a very nice, big, heavy hand-held flashlight that sits on one of the desks. So far, we've only ever used it for shining light in dark places, but it's there if we need it.

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